3 things to tell yourself when you suck at something new

Not "breathe through your nose"

I tasted my own medicine last week.

I took my own advice from my last newsletter and bit the bullet on learning how to edit videos - something I’ve been wanting to do for some time now. 

It’s not going to win Best Picture - unless Warren Beatty has escaped his Oscar detention cell - but I am proud of my effort.

Not because it was particularly good, but because I reminded myself of these 3 things:

1. Go easy on yourself 

Whenever I learn something new, I go on the same emotional rollercoaster:

Fear, panic, anxiety, frustration, horniness, resentment.

Much like when I go on an actual rollercoaster.

If you’re starting out, you’re going to feel like an idiot at least once during the process. 

But it’s fine. That’s normal. Let these feelings wash over you. 

What you need to avoid are the second order emotions:

• Getting frustrated that you’re self-loathing

• Feeling guilty about being resentful

• Being ashamed that you panicked

Second order emotions are like an emotional turducken.

Then suddenly you’re three layers deep into a mess that no one knows how to digest.

Instead, be kind and gentle with yourself and practise a bit of self-compassion.

Remind yourself that you’re a beginner.

Think of yourself as a small, confused child who is trying to do their best to learn something.  

Would you berate and yell at that child for struggling? No, because then you’d be an asshole or Jenna Maroney on America’s Kidz Got Singing. 

My inner critic is definitely blonde

You would console that child, give them a hug and encourage them to keep trying.

Or you would give them an iPad if they won’t stop crying.

Self-compassion reduces the spiral of negative emotions, so be kind and patient with yourself.

2. If you don’t know what you’re doing, that’s fine

I was a pretty insecure kid growing up. 

I tried different approaches to prove my knowledge. I demonstrated my fitness, my humour, and that I knew how to use an Oxford comma.

I would edit what I present to other people.

I would show my best photos, share my impressive gym gainz, and found ways to brag about my Duolingo streak.

But then I started to realise for myself that I didn’t have to try so hard to appear perfect.

Or as they say in Spanish “perfecto”.

There is a power in "not knowing everything", as it gives us permission to learn.

When you stop feeling like you have to know everything and start learning things because you want to, you feel a "Nicole Kidman post-Tom Cruise divorce" level of liberation.

“I STRUGGLE TO READ ANALOGUE CLOCKS!”

There is some bro science floating around about how, “if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room”.

But, if you’re the smartest person in the room, be humble, change the damn topic, and learn something new. 

Normalise saying, “I don’t know but I’ll figure it out”. 

Except if you’re a surgeon or a pilot - in which case, please know what you’re doing. Thanks.

3. You’re not working on the masterpiece, you’re working towards it

I may never edit another video again. 

“FFS Andy, why won’t you shut up about it then?”

Well I’m glad you asked, angry reader. 

Because the hard truth is: you never know when the skills that you’re developing will be called upon. 

Ok that truth wasn’t very hard-hitting, but flaccid is a weird word.

You don’t know how your childhood hobbies, or the things you hated about your last job, or last relationship will impact your future. 

I had never ice skated until a few years ago. In my first attempt, I took to the ice like a professional figure skater because I rollerbladed (and got bullied) as a kid.

I mean, the bullies weren’t wrong

You will start things and you will quit things. That’s life. 

But not starting things because you’re embarrassed of quitting is you choosing to lose.

We spend our lives accumulating skills and knowledge like tools in a tool belt. 

You may not know their significance until you have to fix that metaphorical roof. Or you’re invited to an Al Borland cosplay party.

I may never edit another video.

But if I ever go on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and the final question is about “muting audio on CapCut”, I’ll know the answer.

Or I’ll phone my boyfriend and ask him to help me... again.

I wouldn’t tell anyone I won the lotto, but there would be signs

Make that video or start that side hustle or take that pottery class. If you quit, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. 

It means you’re closer than you were when you hadn’t started. 

Every attempt at starting something is a zero-loss game. 

Sometimes when learning something new, we need reminders more than lessons. 

Remember that we are all a work-in-progress.

Life isn’t about getting it right on the first try. 

It’s about trying in the first place.