The pep talk you think you need, but actually don't
Don't be aggressive, don't be be aggressive
Does anybody shower anymore?
I see a lot of “motivational” people posting the same 3 morning routines:
Wake up and hit gym
Wake up and meditate
Wake up and drink eggs
But nobody ever showers. Nobody takes their dog out or unpacks the dishwasher.
Why?
Because, obviously, there’s no time for any of that when you’re trying to achieve “greatness.”
I’m of course being facetious, but this whole bro-science type of motivation pisses me off.
That style of toxic motivation that leaves you feeling worse, not better.
I stumbled across a post in the dark corners of X that read, “If you want to make yourself feel better, blame other people. If you want to make yourself get better, blame yourself.”
Oh, cool. So that’s it? That’s the secret? Just blame yourself and BAM—you’re a better person. Sure thing.
A few weeks ago, I posted on Instagram for World Mental Health Day.
I wrote that one of the biggest threats to mental health is our complete lack of self-compassion.
We are so desperate for everyone else to like and approve of us, when we don’t even approve of ourselves.
We’re out here chasing the next big achievement; getting promoted, winning an award or keeping a fiddle leaf alive.
Hoping that this time, it’ll finally make us feel like we’re “enough”.
But that never works.
The moment the high fades, the inner critic is back, ready to tell you how worthless you still are.
And this is why these simplistic “blame yourself” or “do better” motivational quotes grind my gears.
There are people out there who are already beating the crap out of themselves on a daily basis.
They read something like this, and all it does is make them pile on even more guilt and shame.
Here’s the thing though: we go through phases in life.
Whether it’s childhood into adolescence into adulthood.
Or through school, into university, into the workforce.
Or Red, into Speak Now into Reputation.
Think of these phases as a relay race.
One version runs as far as they can. Then they pass the baton to the next version, who continues running towards the finish line.
Yes, the finish line is death, but let’s not get nihilistic here.
Now imagine, instead of taking the baton and running forward, you grab it, turn around, and start beating the shit out of your past self.
Two problems:
A bit of a dick move to turn on your team mate. This isn’t Squid Game.
You’re standing in one spot. You’re not moving forward.
This is what blame does.
It paralyses you. It turns into stress. Which then makes it impossible for you to zoom out and realise, “Hey, there are a lot of ways I can start improving here.”
Instead, you stay in this vicious cycle, beating yourself up and going nowhere.
So I would argue:
A lack of self-compassion kills as many dreams as a lack of personal responsibility.
If you want to make yourself get better, stop blaming yourself.
Thank yourself for getting you this far, take the baton and keep running.
And shower regularly.
Great reminders