Why old friends keep you miserable
Keep their doubt out.
Has it ever occurred to you that our need for connection can be a double-edged sword?
I’ll tell you what I mean:
The human need for connection is hardwired into our DNA, a gift from our ancestral past when community meant survival.
The right community can lift you up, but the wrong one can drag you down.
Negative influences, toxic dynamics and misaligned values can be a breeding ground for self-doubt.
When I was applying for a management position at my old company after a brief hiatus, one of the senior execs on the interview panel asked me:
“How do you intend to shift the perception of people who still see you in your former, more junior role?”
I fumbled my way through an answer at the time, but if I had my time again, I would respond:
“Get quick wins on the board, quickly.”
The same goes in the context of personal growth.
Everyone who knows you has formed an opinion of who you are.
Your family, friends and colleagues all think they “know” you.
That aunt you only see at Christmas still invites you to play Farmville.
It’s normal to sometimes feel isolated or misunderstood by them when you’re trying something new or different.
Most of the time it’s subconscious on their part. Unfortunately, other times it’s not.
A lot of people want to see you as your old self because it makes them feel comfortable.
It can shine a light on their own insecurities and shortcomings if they see someone they see as an equal, or more junior get ahead.
If you try to broadcast your personal development goals to your network, ahead of achieving them, it can backfire.
You’re inviting feedback, opinions or backlash, that can make things harder for you.
This is why most people stay stuck - because they’re scared of doing something different to the pack or scared of being laughed at or appearing stupid or they are talked out of it.
Instead…
Focus on internally improving and building irrefutable evidence of your own growth.
If you are improving 1% every day then over time people will notice that you have changed.
Exercise every day.
Start saving money.
Practice your stand-up sets.
Take the time to build the discipline and let your actions communicate it.
The non-believers will have no other option to see that you have changed.
And you won’t have to rely on your own self-belief, because you will have social proof of your capacity to grow and change.